And then there’s this, is she for real?

My work life has really slowed down. There are very few calls and emails coming in right now. In a way it’s nice, I can sit back and say phew… we had a hard fall term getting going and now everyone is actively using the site and the complaints are really slowing down, this is good. But in a way it’s bad because there’s a lot of time to twiddle my thumbs during the work day (what are you saying? I could write in my blog??) and I get bored easily.

So what have I been busy with then you ask? Well, Carolyn and I have been working our butts off in the house since last week. It all started with the delivery of the new HOTTUB! Just clearing way for that to come into the backyard was hours of work culminating in a trip to the dump. And then it moved into cleaning out my shop space (which was a huge all day chore). And then it moved to Carolyn  installing some new faucets on two of our sinks. Which led to stripping some nasty paneling out from under the kitchen sink where water had been dripping. And now, and hopefully last on the list is moving all the crap out of the house and onto the front yard for a massive yard sale this weekend. I’m tired. But thank god we have a really cool new HOTTUB to lounge around in any time of day.

In other news, my face looks much better, although it is still very annoying. My black eyes and major swelling are gone. The line is not so visible when I wear my glasses, which is most of the time. But there is still a lot of pressure on my forehead, and the area just above one of my eyebrows is very sore. And when I’m in the car the whole thing tingles. And then of course there’s the numbness, which is better, but still very active. All in all, it’s an improvement to what it was, but I have a feeling I’ll be dealing with the weird feelings of this injury for quite awhile to come.

The whole thing from beginning to now just seems very unreal. Sitting on the floor in my mothers house bleeding while my whole family is around me unsure of what to do… lying on the bed in the hospital while the doctor floods my gaping wound with a liter size or more bottle of saline… having him cover my face with a sterile cloth and not being able to breathe under the hot lights… going home to a numb bandaged face… removing the bandage and seeing swollen everything… staring in the mirror and wondering who was looking back… days later (today) sitting on my chair with a numb forehead and pressure in the wound area and just wondering… what the fuck happened??

I’ve managed to keep my spirits pretty much up. I know I look awful and I’m grateful that Carolyn has been taking care of me and loving me and pampering me. I have nothing to really be mad at… I tripped, I fell, I hurt myself. Yea, my hurt is ugly, and I’ve scarred my cute little face. But the scar will fade, and I’ve learned that my body isn’t as nimble as I was at 15.

Here’s what I look like today. The swelling has gone down… the bruises are fading… I think I’m going to live.

This morning I became Aunty Liz to another new soul… Baby Tess was born to my sister and brother-in-law at 10:34 this morning. My sister valiantly pushed her out for 5 solid MINUTES. I swear… who pushes a baby completely out in 5 minutes?? My sister.. that’s who!! She labored for 5 hours, pushed for 5 minutes and now has a beautiful baby girl, 7lbs 13 oz.. and I got to be there and watch the WHOLE shebang.

Check her out… isn’t she a doll?? Plus the really cool part… she’s a libra, and almost born on my birthday.

• My girlfriend has been gone more often than she has been home, and I’m lonely and ready to have my partner back full time. (She’s away again at a conference…)
• My first child has gone off to live away from home for the first time ever and she doesn’t seem to be an active participant (so far) in college life.  I’m worried about her, and don’t want to see her fail or screw up this opportunity she’s been given.
• The reality of working at home with no one to look at and engage with each day is a little difficult, even though for the most part I really like it.
• My weight loss efforts have been incredibly slow, with only about 9 pounds lost in the last 10 weeks of going to weight watchers and being very diligent with food and somewhat good about exercise.
• My social circle is about as small as it’s ever been in my adult life, and I have no idea on how I want to expand it.

So yea, I guess I feel a little emo. I’m definitely ready for it to change though. I like myself better when I’m happy and interesting and fun to be around. So with that, maybe I should make another list of the stuff that’s good.

• I have a wonderful love in my life and after well over a year together, I still feel in-love. That’s a HUGE thing for me because in the past I’ve generally been sick of who I’m with by this time in a relationship.
• My kids are both happy and generally stay out of trouble and love me and support my relationship with Carolyn.
• My house is clean and most things work like they’re supposed to.
• My sister is going to have her second baby in any day now, and I’ll be Aunty Liz to a new family member and will get my baby fix on.
• The weather is pretty nice, sunny and 70′s just like I like it.
• I get to roll out of bed and go to work each day. I can work in front of the tv, or listen to any music I want. No one really monitors my comings and goings. And to top it off, I make pretty damn good money.
• Speaking of money, I have very little debt, and I have money in the bank.
• I’m healthy and strong and damn! I’m even cute.

So see, what am I all emo about? I have it pretty good! Maybe I’ll go take my dog out for a walk and crank up my iPod and convince myself that my good far outweighs my bad and try to pull myself out of my slump.